JEM

I hate how society makes me feel like i need to have slept with someone to be normal, and yet movies and media tell us that sex is for soulmates or however you want to put it. I feel like im getting mixed signals here, society.

I dont want to feel obligated to have sex. ughh.

Maybe i am just ranting cuz sara is out on a date with wiley [cayote] and im here with krysta. God, really? It is NEVER going to happen, who am i kidding, ive known that from the beginning that it would never happen. I just guess it never stopped me from trying. The worst part is im in the friend zone. I really dont mind, i love being friends with her, but theres always that thought in the back of my mind.

Hmm.

And then there is shelby. I really want to like her, and i know she is really cool and is amazing at art. Ugh her skill makes me so jealous, it is just so effortless for her. And i wwant to like herm and i know she is really trying to get my attention.

fuuuuck sara and wiley. I dont care how good he smells. i dont care how nice he is.

im suuch a bad person for being a bad friend to her, ive lit my feelings get in the way of our friendship far too often, thats why we fight all the time, more like thats why i get mad at her all the time. The funny thing is, i hate drama, and i start it so much. And i am such a bad person for leading shelby on.. Maybe i am doing it to be in a relationship, but i honestly dont thinnk that is why. i love talking to her, i just hope she isnt changing herself to be what i want. Because i want her just as she is. I just need to spend more time with her, and we really dont talk that often, i wish we talked more, i always feel like she doesnt want to talk. Maybe i cant commit myself to her because There is always that incling of hope that maybe, just maybe sara would give me a chance.

and then there is this whole other side of me that i am completely ashamed of.

But that is just my raging teen sex hormones speaking. Ugh Angst.